Courtship, Mate Selection, and Marriage
What is marriage exactly? The definition of marriage has been debated in recent years largely because of divorce and the debate over same-sex marriage. Why do people get married? Couples get married for a variety of reasons. Some do so because they are "in love," desire companionship, want to have children, feel social pressure, are attempting to escape from a bad situation in their parents' home, or believe that they will have more money or other resources if they get married.
In some societies, marriages are arranged by the parents or community leaders, so the people getting married have no voice in the selection process. Marriages in these cultures are more about financial or social connections rather than about love and relationships. In other cultures, like the United States, society members primarily choose their own marriage partners. Considering all of the reasons for marriage previously mentioned, how do people make this important decision? Actually, the selection of a marital partner is fairly predictable.
Marriage is the social institution under which two people establish their decision to live together as spouses by legal commitments or religious ceremony.
Because marriage is such an important aspect of relationship development for Americans, numerous studies have been done to establish how we develop relationships. It has been established that homogamy is the most important predictor of how couples pair off.
Homogamy is the tendency to pair off with another person who is similar to us.
Most people are attracted to people of about the same beauty, about the same economic status, about the same value system, and often about the same cultural background. You might have heard the phrase "opposites attract" before, but based on most research studies, it's not true. Typically, like-persons attract; we seek out and associate with people at the same clubs, the same workplaces, and the same schools, universities and colleges.
Your friends often introduce their homogamous friends to you and your homogamous friends. In thinking about college choice, are you planning to attend a state, private, or Ivy League college or University? The factors that are impacting your decisions to attend a particular institution are probably very similar for you and the other students there. Similar people end up in similar places and organizations.
No couple is 100 percent identical. Homogamy does not mean being identical, it simply means being similar. However, many studies have demonstrated that the more homogamous two people are together, the higher the odds of the relationship succeeding over the long-run.
Ask most couples you know where they met and you'll probably hear something like
- We met at work.
- We went to school together.
- We met on our clinical rotation.
- We met at the gym.
- We met while doing the Peace Corp.
Few meet if they are not geographically close to one another. Of course, internet dating has changed things somewhat.
If the online relationship develops further, many couples actually relocate to accommodate the relationship; especially if the individuals get married. Of course, even though closeness is compromised with online relationships, homogamy is not. Many couples, in the search, filter out characteristics that they find undesirable. The impact of online dating has yet to be seen. One glaring statistic that will have a lasting impact on America is that 1 in 5 marriages taking place right now are couples that met online.
Online dating reduces the influence of propinquity in the acquaintance process.
Propinquity, or the geographic proximity of two potential mates to one another.
